Ignis et Glacies
by rmhale
Summary: At a crossords in his life, Jasper is trying to figure out what he wants when a mysterious stranger in a coffee shop leads him down a path he never knew existed. CONTAINS MALE SLASH! DON'T LIKE DON'T READ!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So this is our first stab at writing anything, much less boy slash so please be honest. We are nervous but excited. This is a one shot with a possible EPOV depending on response.**

**Ignis et Glacies**

Some say the world will end in fire,  
Some say in ice.  
From what I've tasted of desire  
I hold with those who favor fire.  
But if it had to perish twice,  
I think I know enough of hate  
To say that for destruction ice  
Is also great  
And would suffice.

-- Robert Frost

JPOV

I was sitting outside of the coffee shop with my study group wondering how I got stuck with this particular group of idiots. We were collaborating on a project that was half of my semester grade. I am slowly beginning to realize that I am going to be the one doing the work if I valued my GPA. While I tuned out the bickering going on between them at the table, I closed my eyes and let the breeze blow through my hair. I was thinking about my life or lack there of. I was wondering about what the future holds for me as it has yet to begin to take shape. I am almost done with school and am not particularly anxious to be out in the real world. I will be an adult, a grown up....oh God.....I need to stop thinking so much.

I sit up and open my eyes and realize nothing is going to be accomplished today and everyone is packing up. I opt to stay behind and enjoy my coffee in silence. As I am sitting there I am once again assailed by this intense longing...for what, I don't know. I turn my head to the side to stretch my neck and that is when I saw him and in that moment I knew what it was I was looking for. In the intense stare of his beautiful eyes I saw my future. His gaze was burning into my soul and taking root in my heart and I felt like I was about to explode only to realize I had stopped breathing. I closed my eyes for a moment and when I opened them again, he was gone and suddenly my body deflated.

The next day I sat outside of the coffee shop again wondering if the man would return. I studied for hours, enjoying the sun and looking around the cafe.

This became my pattern for the next several days, I would go to the cafe from open to close, aside from the hours I was in school , hoping to catch a glimpse of him again. I brought all my schoolwork with me and when that ran out, I had books to read. It was awfully hard to concentrate when you knew your reason for being was out there somewhere and you didn't even know his name.

By the end of the week I was almost ready to give up, maybe he was passing through, maybe he frequented more than one coffee shop, maybe he worked long hours...the maybe's could make me crazy. I settled into my table and got my work out. I was glad I brought my jacket with me as the cool, grey weather outside matched my dreary mood.

I was working on the project for my history class and was lost in thought when I felt it, the electric current....he was here and for the first time in my life I felt the sheer terror of the unknown. If I looked up, would he be looking at me? Would he feel the same way I do? How could he possibly, he didn't know me, but I knew what I wanted. Him. So look up, quit being a coward and make it happen!

After giving myself a mental pep talk, I looked up and there he was. Sitting with his head down so I could actually study him without appearing like a crazed stalker. His jaw was the first thing I noticed. It was angular and chiselled and I wanted to run my nose along the underside just to see what he smelled like. His mouth was the perfect shade of red that was a beautiful contrast to his pale white skin. I looked up at his hair and it was the most bizarre colour I had ever seen. It was bronze and messy and really fucking sexy, I couldn't wait to run my fingers through it to see just how tousled it could get.

When I glanced back down at his face I was met with his eyes...."Oh shit"...he caught me staring, to late now. I looked directly at him and saw him smirking at me. That smirk went to straight to my cock and I discreetly adjusted myself. We stared at one another, each drinking in the site of the other for a full minute before I saw his hand come up and wave me over to his table. It was the sexiest fucking thing I had ever seen and I could only imagine what those hands would feel like touching me, stroking me, holding me while he thrust into me.

This was it, the defining moment of my life. All of a sudden I felt the need to run to him at a full sprint, instead I nonchalantly gathered my things and walked over to sit down across from him. He was so fucking gorgeous and I needed to hear his voice, so I stuck out my hand, "I'm Jasper". He looked down at my hand and up at my face said "Edward." He didn't even acknowledge my extended hand, so I dropped it to my side thinking that manners would have at least dictated a handshake here.

Alright, maybe I was wrong, maybe he's not into guys. This really fucking sucks, and an awkward silence ensued while we stared. Do I stay, leave? Please don't make me leave.

In a voice that can only be described as sensual and melodic he said, "Do you want to get out of here?"

Hell fucking yes....."Yes" I whispered in a quivering voice I did not recognize.

He smiled a brilliant smile that lit up his whole angelic face and got up. I stood as well and followed. I would follow him to the ends of the earth if he asked.

All the warnings people had told me all my life about strangers and not going home with people you don't know flew out the window as I proceeded to follow this man to a silver Volvo and sat down in the passenger seat he offered me.

I was desperate to touch him, to feel his luscious alabaster skin, but he had made no effort to initiate any contact with me so I sat on my hands to keep from reaching out and grabbing his. The electricity was humming all around us in the car and I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and was shocked by the sight.

He was gripping the steering wheel hard and his perfectly contoured lips were now mashed together in a thin line with what can only be described as anger or frustration.

"Have I done something wrong Edward?"

"Why would you ask me that?" he spat at me.

"Because honestly, you look pissed and if I did something I want to know what?"

"It is not you, I promise. I do not make a habit of this and these feelings I have are new and not something I am used to." He muttered.

"Ooo-kayyyyy" What the fuck else was I supposed to say to him?

We spent the rest of the car in tense silence as a war raged on in my head. Did I want to be the cause of all this turmoil going on? It is not like I did things like this either, but I was too nervous to tell him. He really seemed like right now he just needed the silence to figure his shit out.

There is no way I was asking him to take me home, especially after waiting for him to come back day after day. No! I would definitely see this through.

We pulled up in front of a beautiful house and he turned to me and said, "Jasper, this is it. Are you sure this is what you want, because once we get in there I will not be able to keep my fucking hands off you?" he growled.

Oh. My. God. I have never been so turned on in my entire life. My cock felt like it was about to burst through my pants I was so hard. I was ready, it would be explosive and if it was only for tonight, I knew I would never forget as long as I lived.

"Yes Edward, this is definitely what I want" I said to him in a husky voice.

He opened the car door and I followed suit. We walked up to the front steps and I was aching to put my hands on him, my mouth on him, to feel the velvet skin of his cock rubbing against mine. The fact that this man could nearly make me come just thinking about touching him made me wonder about my ability to last long enough to enjoy this stunning creature in front of me.

I hope and pray we have all night because I knew that once was not going to be enough.

We walked into the house and I just stood there. I heard him drop his keys on the table and walk up behind me. I was so paralyzed by his scent I couldn't move. It was the most delicious thing I had ever smelled and I could already taste him on my tongue. Honey and cedar and spice and pure unadulterated man, it was something that will be forever burned to memory.

I felt the waves of lust coming off of him and I wanted to scream at him to put his hands on me. His nose ran up along my jaw line, over my ear, through my hair and then he buried his face in my neck.

I felt his cool, sweet breath on my collar bone and I knew I couldn't wait anymore. I turned my body very slowly, letting his mouth drag across my neck until our foreheads were pressed together. I leaned forward ever slightly and touched my lips to his and that is when the dam broke.

I grabbed onto his hair as he gripped my waist painfully and crashed my lips to his over and over gain. I couldn't get enough of his mouth on mine. It was exquisite and sensual and I wanted more. I licked his lower lip and he looked at me with wild eyes and said "NO".

Then I felt him rip my shirt from my body, "Holy shit, that was ...ughhh" I lost my train of thought as I finally got my wish. His cold, pale fingers ghosted over my skin, down my chest, across the planes of my abdomen and hooked into my belt loops.

I looked up at his eyes which had now darkened considerably and watched his tongue come out and lick his lips. He smiled at me, leaned forward and left a cool trail as he kissed from my mouth to my neck, across my chest and then down to my navel.

My legs were about to give out and I know he sensed this because I felt him pick me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. He carried me to the bedroom while caressing my back and leaving goose bumps everywhere his fingers touched me.

He laid me down on the bed and somewhere in between more kisses he managed to get my jeans off of me and I was laying there in my boxers. I looked up at him and said, "You have way too many clothes on."

He smirked at me and stood up and removed his shirt. He lay next to me on the bed in his jeans and leaned down to kiss me once again. This time I felt his silky tongue as it swept along my lower lip and I eagerly opened my mouth and he slid in. I tasted the sweet nectar that was purely Edward. His tongue swept my mouth over and over again and I slowly rolled him over and straddled him.

I felt his erection through his jeans and ground my cock into his and we both moaned simultaneously. I felt as if I were about to burst, so I took my long anticipated turn. I kissed along his jaw and sucked his earlobe into my mouth. I was rewarded with a hiss and another painful grip by him. I licked down the column of his neck and inhaled his scent. I kissed my way down his chest and bit down on his nipple and he ground his hips into mine once again.

I then kissed my way down his cool skin until I got to his navel and I licked from there down to the waistband of his jeans. As I reached for the snap, his pocket started vibrating and I felt his hand clamp down on my wrist. He pulled his phone from his pocket and muttered "Alice" and threw it against the wall and it shattered into pieces. Then he looked at me with that deviant stare and said, "Where were we?"

I attacked his pants and had them off of him in seconds and oh holy fuck was he a sight to behold. Edward naked with his cock standing out proudly was the most arousing thing I had ever seen. He was like a sculpture, hard and defined and perfect.

I quickly cast off my boxers and laid my scorching body alongside his and gasped at the sensation of having our bodies lined up with one another. Chest to chest, hand to hand, cock to cock. I couldn't take it anymore. I dragged my body down his and wrapped my mouth around his gorgeous dick. I just had to have a taste and it was even better than the intoxicating flavour of his mouth.

I felt him buck into my mouth as he gasped and grabbed me under the arms. He hauled me up to him, flipped us over and slammed our mouths together once again. His tongue was moving against mine in time with our hips grinding into each other, getting much needed friction and I felt the satin skin of his dick sliding against mine over and over again.

"Oh God Edward....I've never....it's never felt...aghhhhh" I kept my hips moving and my mouth could not form what I was trying to tell him.

"I know Jasper....me too" he whispered.

My hands fisting his hair, our bodies writhing and his vice-like grip on my body was what I needed for all eternity. The feelings he elicited from me were like none I had ever felt and I would follow him to heaven. I would also follow him to hell . As long as I was with him, I would be complete. He was my reason to exist now and no one else would ever compare. I hoped he was as affected by me as I was by him.

The movement of our bodies became more frenzied and our breathing more labored.

"God Edward, so fucking close" I groaned.

"Me too Jas, almost there" He grunted into my mouth.

All of a sudden his hands on me felt like steel bands holding me down and my eyes flew open. I screamed out in ecstasy and came harder than I ever had in my entire life. My eyes locked with his and I froze. His warm honey coloured eyes were now pitch black and he threw his head back and let out an animalistic scream as he came. Then, faster than I could blink, his head came crashing down and I felt his teeth sink into my neck.

The thought 'what the fuck just happened' was running through my head but all I could get out in a soft, quivering voice was "Edward"?

Then the searing pain started flowing through my body and my world faded to black.......


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you so much for your patience, I would have gotten this out sooner but I needed to get my ass a beta!!! As you can tell from Chapter 1, I needed help! I would like to give a huge thank you and pledge my devotion to Andrea and Heather at Project Team Beta! Without them this would have been nothing but a huge grammatical pile of crap.**

Chapter 2

EPOV

I was once again having something akin to a midlife crisis. What else could I possibly call it? Another black period, an era of depression? It was not like I really had a midlife, seeing as I would live for an eternity.

I had once again moved out on my own. There always came a point in my existence where I could only take being a fifth wheel for so long. My entire family was happily paired off and blissfully in love. Emmett had Rosalie, Carlisle had Esme, Alice had Garrett, and then there was me, poor lonely Edward.

I tried to keep myself occupied with school, music, reading and working ever few years with Carlisle at the hospital. I tried to stay gone from the house as much as I possibly could, but I knew this made Esme sad, so I made the decision to get my own place for while and see if I could get myself out of the funk I was in.

Alice had told me over and over that my time was coming, she had seen it. She said I would have a great and true love just like the rest of them, but I gave up on that a long time ago. For over 100 years I have been wandering this earth and never once has anyone ever caught my eye. Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of women throwing themselves at me, and it was disgusting, really. When you have to read everyone's thoughts, it makes for some unpleasant imagery.

I have yet to find the love that Alice had mentioned, as I have started my life anew again, as a student at Seattle Pacific University. This time around I am majoring in biology. I wonder if I should have picked something more difficult as this one would not keep my mind busy enough. There was an exam tomorrow, so I was going to go sit at a local café and pretend to study and then head home to work on my latest composition.

I went to the counter and bought my tea -must keep up pretenses after all- and took a seat at one of the outside tables. I hadn't even had a chance to pull out my books when I saw him. The most beautiful being I had ever seen. I was frozen in my spot. He had luscious soft honey blond curls that went perfectly with his smooth, sun kissed skin. My attention was drawn to his succulent mouth, and I felt myself get incredibly hard. My jeans were suddenly uncomfortable, and I had yet to make myself move.

I was silently begging him to raise his eyes and meet mine. I saw his sweet, pink tongue wet his lower lip and my pants got even tighter. By this point my silent begging turned to pleading. As if he heard me, his eyes flew up and holy fuck! His stormy grey eyes met mine and I felt my body changing.

Fire was now running through my icy veins and there was a pressure in my chest that I had never felt before. My cold, dead heart felt like it was about to burst through my chest. Is this what Alice was talking about? She said I would know what love was when it hit me and that it would change me forever. I felt the inferno churning underneath the surface of my skin while I held the gaze of the angel in front of me.

All of a sudden, the sweetest and most delectable smell hit my nose, and I felt the monster within rearing his ugly head. It was him, it was his scent and I wanted to sink my teeth into him desperately to have a taste.

_No! _ I thought to myself, _I have to get out of here and quick_.

My angel closed his eyes and I took off at a speed unseen by human eyes so that I could get away as quickly as possible. I ran around to the back of the building as my phone started to ring. I was desperately trying to catch my breath and smell anything else but him. I looked down at my phone, it was Alice.

"Hello," I gruffly answered.

"I saw it, Edward, it is him, the one I have seen in my mind!" Alice exclaimed.

"What are you talking about Alice, who is 'him'?" I muttered.

"Don't play dumb with me, Edward, the man with the blond hair. I knew it was going to happen soon, I just didn't realize it was today!" she gushed.

I could hear her jumping up and down already. When she got excited about something she was like a ping pong ball that never stopped bouncing. It was grating on my nerves already, and I knew I would say something callous if I didn't hang up on her now.

"Alice!" I yelled. "I am hanging up now."

I could hear her trying to keep me on the line, but I hit end and slid the phone back into my pocket.

I hurried back to my house, ran up the front steps and slammed the door. I sat on the couch and started pulling on my hair, my mind going a million miles per minute. I was so perplexed, I didn't even know where to begin my thought process. It never once occurred to me that the person I would fall in love with would be a man. Why didn't Alice ever say anything? It would have been nice to have some forewarning to something like that.

She knew me too well, she knew how I would react if she told me. All this time I had been waiting for this magical connection with a woman, vampire or human, and it never happened. For once I just wanted to feel even 1/8 of what my family felt when they looked upon their mates and so far it has never happened for me. I came from a time when a man loving a man was not acceptable. I know that we were in a different time now and I considered myself a very open minded man, but it still didn't detract from what was ingrained in my head as I was growing up.

I allowed my mind to drift back to the man at the café. The flames started to flow through my frigid body once again and went straight to my groin. I had never had a reaction like this to another being in my entire existence and it was in itself a feeling that I knew I could never live without. There was a battle going to and fro in my head. It was a war between monster and man. The scale was teetering from side to side, as the list of pros and cons for each, piled in my mind.

One side of the argument was the lust for his body. On the other side of the argument waging forth in my head was the fact that I also felt a thirst for his blood that rivaled my bloodlust as a newborn vampire. I had been practicing my current diet for so long that even being in the presence of blood when I worked with Carlisle at the hospital had never bothered me. It was him, his sweet nectar flowing through his veins that I craved. I could already taste the crimson elixir flowing down my throat and satisfying the intense hunger burning in the pits of my stomach.

I gave my head a quick shake to clear these malicious thoughts. I could say with certainty that I wanted absolutely no harm to come to this beautiful creature, especially by my hands.

I made a decision right then and there to go back to the café again tomorrow to see if he would be there. I had no plan after that except to try and talk to him and hope that maybe this wasn't the all consuming love I had eluded and craved my entire life, and maybe, once his thoughts entered my head, I would find him as dull and boring as everyone else and then I could find some peace. That it is indeed a female mate I should be looking for, and not this man that had consumed every last thought in my head.

To my horror the sun was out for the next several days. I was going crazy, pacing in circles around my home, feeling the control slowly slip through my fingers. The longer time went on, the more I realized that he was it. My one true mate and I had to find him. For all I knew he could go to one of the three area universities and I didn't even have a name to fall back on in case he didn't show. How in the world was I going to find him?

Alice had sent me several text messages and emails telling me to stop worrying, that it was all going to be ok. Unfortunately for me, I knew that her visions were not always set in stone. They changed as the decisions made by the person changed and human thoughts were so fleeting. How did she know for certain that he wouldn't make a different decision on the day that we were to see each other again? The what-if's were making me insane! I needed the clouds to come out once again so that I could go look for him.

Finally, by the end of the week the weather was cool, grey and brisk once again and when afternoon hit I headed for the café. When I rounded the corner, I saw him; he was there and once again I felt alive. He was studying and seeing as how I wasn't quite ready to strike up a conversation, I took a seat across the way and just watched him. He was stunning. I could watch this gorgeous man forever. Thoughts of what those smooth lips wrapped around his pencil would feel like against mine made my groin tight once again.

I tried to listen to his thoughts so I could see what kind of things were going on in his head and no matter how hard I tried I heard nothing but white noise. After a minute, I realized that his thoughts were hidden to me and that made me want to know even more about this enigma that had captured my soul.

I looked down at the table, gathering all my thoughts as to what I would say to him. When I once again glanced up at him, I saw that he was studying me and, what Alice called my trademark smirk, slipped into place. I stared at him and when he looked at my face, golden orbs met grey and the electricity flowed from my head to the tips of all my appendages. We kept our eyes connected for a bit and as the thought, _It's now or never_ came to mind, my hand came up and I waved him over to my table.

He smiled back and slowly gathered his things. He sauntered over to my table and sat down across from me. Even the way he carried himself as he walked was perfect. The swagger of those hips where a pair of well worn jeans sat was intoxicating. I couldn't wait to get my hands on him and see what they felt like in my grip. I was also anxious to run my hands though those soft curls on top of his head and bury my nose in them when I wrapped my arms around him.

He stuck his hand out across the table and in a tangy, sensual drawl he said, "I'm Jasper." I looked at his hand and knew the polite thing to do would be to shake it, but I still didn't trust myself to touch him and not pin him to this table while my mouth savagely attacked his and my first kiss was definitely not something I wanted to share with the patrons of this café. Instead I looked up at his eyes and simply said "Edward."

We sat in silence for a few minutes while I garnered the courage to do something I had never done before. I leaned across the table and asked Jasper if he wanted to get out of here and, to my jubilation, he agreed. I felt my smile light up my face and I turned for him to follow me to the car. We got to my Volvo and I put him in the car first. Once I got in on my side I realized that being in the car with the windows up may not have been the best idea. I held my breath as I felt that current flowing between us and all around us.

I looked down at his lap and my control slipped and I took a breath. The absolute torture of his scent hit me again and I gripped the steering wheel tightly to keep from grabbing him instead. I smashed my lips together to keep the venom from flowing out of my mouth and carefully swallowed it down. The monster was once again coming out, and I was doing everything I could to quell him. I knew I was stronger than him and it was time to prove it.

I was so focused on myself that I nearly forgot what was causing the inner turmoil, and then I heard that luscious voice ask "Have I done somethin' wrong Edward?"

I didn't want to breathe anymore than necessary so I forcefully asked, "Why would you ask me that?"

When he told me I looked pissed, I knew I needed to assure him and myself that we were ok, it would all be ok. I needed him to understand that this was new to me, that he was special and I just needed to get used to him. Jasper should have realized, by my posture and mannerisms, that I was a dangerous creature. His mind must be clouded over with the same lust as mine was.

I wasn't ready to reveal myself for what I was because that would surely send him running for the hills and all I needed was to bring the Volturi down on our heads because I was thinking with my small head and not my large head.

I let him know the best way I could that it wasn't his fault, all I got was an exaggerated "OK" from him and we spent the rest of the car ride in silence. I used this time to slowly acclimate myself to his scent and I pretty much had the monster reigned in by the time we arrived back at my place. The pure unadulterated lust was permeating the air and I felt myself hardening in my jeans and knew once we went up those steps I wouldn't be able to keep my hands off him. I wanted to feel every inch of his smoldering skin pressed against mine. I wanted him to make me feel the fire from the outside in, but knew that I needed to give him one more chance before he became mine. I knew once our skin touched that there would be no going back, we would be together for eternity.

I turned to him and said in the most seductive voice I could muster, "Jasper, this it. Are you sure this is what you want? Because once we get in there I will not be able to keep my fucking hands off you." A growl rumbled in my chest as I realized the words I just spoke. There was something to be said for dirty words making you feel even more sexual and I vowed to try out some more when we got inside.

When he told me that this was what he wanted, I opened the door and we walked up to the front of my house. I unlocked the front door and heard him follow behind me. I dropped the keys on the front table and walked up behind him. Every fiber of my being felt alive and tingled as I leaned over him to run my nose up his jaw line, over his ear, through the honey curls. I buried my face in his warm neck and breathed in the scent that was pure Jasper. It was blissful torture to smell the blood flowing through his veins but at that moment I knew that I would never intentionally hurt him as he was more important to me than anything else in my bleak existence.

He slowly turned and I let my open mouth drag across his throat. He touched our heads together and slowly touched his sinfully delicious lips to mine, and I was lost. It was everything a first kiss should be. It was the most sensual experience of my life feeling his lips sliding over mine over and over again in the age old dance of seduction. All of a sudden I felt his tongue seeking entrance into my mouth and knew I needed to stop him. My teeth would slice him to ribbons, so I gripped his shirt instead and ripped it from his delectable body.

He was a work of art. I let my hands touch him everywhere my eyes could see, softly touching his hot, glistening skin. I traced the muscles of his chest and slid down his succulent and defined abdomen, letting my fingers touch every dip and curve as they memorized his exquisite body. The sensual groans and moans coming from him were making me anxious to feel all of him against me so they would vibrate through me as well.

My mouth was slowly becoming jealous of my hands and I knew I had to taste him. I felt my tongue come out and slowly wet my lips. I looked into his stormy eyes and smiled at him as I leaned forward and laid my mouth on his once again. His hot breath filled my mouth and I savored it as I moved my lips down his neck. I left wet, open kisses across his chest and down to the soft, downy blond hairs across his abdomen and ended at his navel. I could feel his moan against my mouth as his legs started to collapse and I picked my angel up. As his legs wrapped around me our hardened lengths grazed together and our simultaneous groans filled the room. It was not only torture, but a promise of what was to come.

I laid him across my bed, removed his jeans and looked at the blonde beauty taking residence there. He looked up at me with those sultry eyes and in that southern twang said, "You have way too many clothes on."

I smirked at him once again and removed my shirt. I moved to lay next to him and leaned down to kiss him once again. Now that I knew what it felt like to touch his lips with my own, I knew I would never stop. As we lay on the bed kissing I knew that I wanted to taste the inside of that perfect mouth. I knew if I was careful I could make it happen, so I slid my tongue along his lower lip and he opened right up for me. I dipped in over and over again and knowing that nothing short of his blood would ever taste so perfect to me. His mouth was soft like silk and molten like lava all at once.

I felt him roll me over and straddle me and as our erections ground against each other we both groaned out loud once again. He then ground into me even harder and I gasped out loud at the wonderful sensation it brought. If it felt this good with clothes on I couldn't wait until we were naked and our skin and limbs were entwined. I felt him kissing up my jaw line and suck my earlobe into his mouth. I hissed and gripped his hips, pulling them into mine. He trailed his velvet tongue down my throat, kissed my chest and then I felt his teeth bite my nipple. It shot waves of pure desire down to my crotch, and I had to grind against his erection once again to feel some friction or I would explode.

As he was kissing his way down to my navel, I felt my phone vibrating in my pants. I couldn't believe it! Of all the times for the thing to go off! I grabbed his hand and pulled my phone out of my pocket. You have got to be kidding me, it was Alice. There was no way I was stopping what we were doing, so I threw the phone at the wall and heard it shatter. I looked up at Jasper and asked, "Where were we?"

That was all Jasper needed to attack my pants with a fierce determination and my hardened length sprang free as he dragged them down my legs. I had gone commando and, for once, was glad that I did. Jasper seemed to be entranced with my nudity and then like lightning his boxers were off, and he laid his scorching skin along mine and we gasped at the sensation of truly being together. We were touching at every point possible from head to toe and I felt like the desire was going to burst forth from my body. Just when I thought the sensation couldn't get any better I felt his mouth wrap around the head of my penis and it was too much. I felt the monster trying to come back up so I grabbed Jasper under the arms, hauled him up my body and aligned our lips once again in fiery passion.

Our tongues slid against each other over and over again in time with our hips that were grinding the silky soft skin of our dicks together. The much needed friction kept the satin heat in synch as our bodies ground out a perfect rhythm. I could feel the inferno within spiraling out of control and the blood lust slowing winning out over the lust I had for his body.

I knew that if I could just keep a handle on it for a few moments longer we would both have the sweet release we so desperately craved. With a fierce determination I gripped his body, mindful of the power in my grasp. As we continued to writhe against each other, the perfect tempo we had created slowly fell apart as the end got closer and closer, and I could feel the orgasm slowly building in both our bodies.

We both admitted that we had never felt anything like this before, and we joined our mouths together once again. I wanted to be connected with him at every point when I came against this beautiful man. I heard him groan into my mouth, "God, Edward, so fucking close."

"Me too Jas, almost there," I grunted in return.

As I felt the orgasm rip through my body the monster came flying out with a vengeance and I gripped Jasper hard as I heard his screams of ecstasy. His eyes locked with mine and it was then that I knew he saw the monster within me as well for they were wide and full of fear. It was too late, I couldn't control it anymore and as my head flew back I heard the feral scream let loose as the venom pooled in my mouth and the semen flew from my dick in spurts. In a split second my mouth clamed down on his throat, and I felt my teeth slice through with ease.

I tasted pure heaven as the sweet ambrosia of his blood filled my mouth, but just as soon as I heard him say my name, heaven was ripped away.

I could hear a scuffle in the background as I felt myself being pulled from his body. As the monster fought back over and over again, the purple haze began to clear and I felt arms pulling me back and heard frantic voices everywhere. I finally realized it was Emmett that had pulled me off of Jasper and he was holding me back in a steel grip to keep me from attacking him again.

The horror and shame of what I had done slowly began to dawn on me and it was then that I saw Alice and Carlisle frantically working over Jasper trying to save his life. I pulled myself from Emmett's grip and slowly sank down to the ground. For the first time in decades, I prayed to whatever God was listening to my prayer that he would be ok. That they please allow me to burn in his place, as I would gladly lay my life down if it would save his.

I heard Alice saying if they hurried it may not be too late to suck out the venom, and all I could do was curse myself and wait as I saw Carlisle lay his mouth against Jasper's neck and try to right my wrong.

A/N: Please review and let me know what you think. This is my first fic and any feedback would be greatly appreciated!!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Thank you to my fabulous betas from Project Team Beta…Primrose Hill and mcsc2008, this was a mess before they got their hands on it! They worked very hard, so thank you again!!!!! Please read note at the end!!! **

Chapter 3

EPOV

I could now say without any hesitation that I was truly a loathsome creature. I sat there, huddled in a corner, and rocked back and forth wondering why? Why had I done what I had? Why could I not fight the urge to bite him? I told myself over and over again that I could truly fight the urges of my inner monster but in the end, it prevailed.

The initial taste of his sweet blood flowing down my throat was like the finest and most rare vintage of wine. It was succulent, divine and made just for me. It was a flavor I knew I would never forget, but one I hoped I would never taste again. I knew, in that moment of pure bliss, I would have ended his life as I drained him dry. It would have been an unforgivable tragedy.

I didn't understand. How could the feelings of passion and love for Jasper _not _overrule my desire for his blood? What I felt for him from the moment I saw him filled the black void in my body with so much light. I felt like I would be blinded if I could see it shining from my own heart. He was truly the epitome of everything beautiful in this world and I chose to extinguish that without any regard for his life.

As these thoughts flitted through my mind, I heard my name being called in the background.

"Edward?"

"Edward!" Carlisle exclaimed.

I looked up at him as he held his mouth over Jasper's neck poised ready to extract the venom.

"Are you sure this is what you want? He can still be changed, Edward. You need to be 100% sure, because after this we will have some explaining to do and you know how that will go with him being human."

"Carlisle, suck it out of him, now! We don't have time to think about it!"

Didn't he understand? This was my doing, not Jasper's. He didn't deserve this; what happened here was my fault. He should have had a choice and I took it away from him. I knew that I would never have told him what I was, and knowing that fact should have been enough for me to stay away from him.

Was this my punishment, my curse, for all the wrong doings of a soulless monster? To fall in love with someone that I knew I couldn't have and be made to pine for the rest of my days on this God-forsaken Earth? To spend an eternity alone, knowing for the briefest moment what pure joy felt like?

I looked up to see Alice and Carlisle working as a team to save him. I knew, if they were able, that I would have to leave him behind. There was no way we could ever work. I had hurt him, I had damaged him, possibly beyond repair, and he would hate me.

"Eddie, you know I love you man, but can you do me a favor and put on some fucking clothes? Your lily white ass may do something for blondie in the bed, but it does nothing for me."

I could always count on Emmett to make everything just a little bit worse. I looked up at him and he was holding a blanket in his hands which he draped over me. I hoped that he would leave me to my thoughts, but he sat down next to me.

"Look Eddie, I know what you are thinking. You are brooding and contemplating how bad you just fucked up. I know it, but you have to realize it wasn't as bad as you make it out to be. I mean, on the one hand, you bit the poor dude, but on the other, you didn't kill him. Your track record is still holding strong."

He had it so wrong!

"Emmett, this has nothing to do with my track record. You could not possibly understand how much I detest myself right now. I thought about him for days. His goodness and decency was the most incredible thing I have ever felt. It came through him when he touched me. I have never felt so at peace in my entire life as I did when he put his hands on me. He put his trust in me and I abused it – I destroyed it. He willingly entered my home, putting his faith in me, and like the beast that I am, I took advantage of that when he was at his most vulnerable. So do not act like you can make this all better with words. Nothing will ever be okay again, because from this day forward, my life will be a black hole. I finally received a taste of the purity and bliss that is love and my penance will be that I will now have to endure without it."

As the words poured from my mouth, I felt my apathetic heart slowly start to break in half as I began to prepare myself to live my life without Jasper's love, goodness and light.

"Edward, it's done," Carlisle said.

"He will be unconscious for awhile, but we did get it all out. He lost a bit of blood, but not enough to need a transfusion. He is going to need some rest and while that is happening, we need to discuss what we will tell him when he wakes."

I had already thought about this. "Carlisle, I will sit here with him while he rests. I am the one who put him here, so I will be the one to handle it. When he wakes up, I will talk to him. I will apologize and then I will let him go."

"Edward, that is not necessarily what needs to happen here. We need to sit and discuss this as a family and decide what the right thing….."

"ENOUGH!" I exclaimed. "I am going to handle this and if you wouldn't mind, I would very much like to spend the last of our time together alone. I am asking you all, please leave us be," my voice broke at the end of that last statement. The daunting task of leaving was ahead of me and I didn't know how I was going to exist without him by my side.

I felt Alice's small arms wrap around me and pull me down to her shoulder. She held me while the dry sobs racked my body, whispering words that were meant to heal but only made me realize what I was going to lose.

"Alice, how am I supposed to be strong enough to do this?" I was pleading for answers that would not come.

"Oh Edward, when I saw you and him together, at first, it was all going to be okay," she sighed.

"You brought him home. You kissed. You touched. You held him while he slept and watched him dream. The passion in that moment, when you lost control was stronger than you and when I saw what was going to happen, I tried to call you. Why didn't you answer?"

"All I could think about was touching him. I wanted to feel the heat of his skin against mine. I wanted to feel his body surround me. I wanted to kiss him into oblivion and never stop. When I touched his body and tasted his mouth, all I could think of was 'more'. I never had any intention of taking it further than kissing and touching. I never intended for our clothes to come off, but when my fingers connected with his skin, it ignited something inside of me over which I had no control. Once that fire was lit, I was powerless to stop it. I had no way of knowing how my emotions would control my body."

I started to pace back and forth. "Damn it, Alice! I should have known better. I know what we are, what we are capable of. I never should have taken that chance with him! It was self-indulgent and reprehensible on my part to talk to him, let alone bring him home with me. What the hell was I thinking?"

"What you need to do right now, Edward, is to focus on making him better; the rest will work itself out. I know these things. You need to talk to him. You need to give him the chance to know the real you and love you back. It will be okay, trust me. You don't have to tell him the entire truth, but eventually, you will have to if you want to keep him in your life. Don't shut him out. I can't tell you what will happen because your mind is going in many different directions, and this is something you need to figure out on your own. I love you Edward, never forget that. I will always support you in whatever you decide. I just hope you make the right decision. I will leave now and drop his car at his apartment. If anything happens I will come by since you destroyed your phone. I will bring a new one by later. Now, go get dressed and sit with him."

She gave me one last hug and silently left the house. I went over to my dresser and pulled out boxers, lounge pants and tee shirts for both Jasper and me. After dressing, I slowly walked over to the bed where that beautiful soul lay, watching him breathe in and out. I got close enough to his face to feel his warm breath across my mouth and reached my hand out to tousle his soft, blonde curls. I let my hand caress his face and touch his silky, sweet lips. He was so amazingly perfect, but he wasn't mine to have.

I slowly pulled down the sheet and tried to stem the desire that spiked through my body as inch after inch of his creamy skin was revealed to me. I put my body on auto pilot and took extreme care as I dressed him. Moving slowly so I could savor my last look at his lithe form as I gently covered it up. The fissure in my heart continued to form as I saved these images to memory. I would use them to get me through the sheer torture that was in my future as I prepared to give him up.

After he was dressed, I crawled into the bed with him and that is where I would remain until I felt him begin to stir. If this was the last time we would be together, I was going to try and experience the thrilling intimacy of holding the man whom I treasured and adored without falling apart at the seams.

As I gingerly gathered his body against my own, I felt a soft whimper escape him. I could only guess that his body was fearful of my own and that thought caused my body to tremble. Tearless sobs wreaked devastation through my body. Remorse and self-loathing flowed through my veins as I tried to calm myself down so I could savor this precious time holding him.

I pressed my forehead to his and tenderly touched his lips with my own. Then, I quietly began to whisper all the things I wanted to say and knew I couldn't tell him once he awoke.

"Jasper, the very best thing that has happened in my life was seeing your face in that café. When I looked into your eyes, I felt like I had a purpose on this earth instead of going through the motions of life. You caused my stagnant heart to fill with love and thrive once more. It felt like it truly started to beat once again, which was a miracle in itself, since that is impossible for me."

I placed my hand over his heart and gently kissed him, savoring the taste of his mouth. This caused the fault line in my heart to crack a little bit more as I willed the emptiness away and tried to continue. It would do me no good to break down now; the time for that would be here soon enough.

"I truly thought that I could experience all of my firsts with you and that you would come through unscathed. The first look into your eyes allowed me to truly see the beauty of your soul. The first touch of your skin to mine taught me what it meant to feel desperate and unadulterated desire for another person. The second our mouths met and our tongues tasted one another, I finally learned the definition of the word passion and that feeling hasn't left."

I stopped to gather the courage and strength to continue. My voice was breaking with emotion, but I needed him to hear this, even if he believed it to be a dream. I needed him to know how I truly felt for him.

"I love you with all my heart and soul and I will continue to love you for as long as I am forced to walk this Earth. Every day without you will be an eternity to me and I am so sorry for what I am. You have changed me for the better; the few moments we had together will keep me warm on my darkest, coldest days. I will never forget the sweet rapture I felt when our naked bodies caressed each other. I never knew heaven was so close within my reach. I will carry you with me every moment of every day; I will never forget, Jasper, EVER!"

I knew what had to be done now and it would be the hardest thing I ever had to do. I gave him one last kiss and lifted myself from the bed. After slipping into a pair of jeans and putting on my shoes, I reached for my keys so we could leave. I put Jasper's clothes in a bag, keeping out his wallet, opened it to obtain his address and then it went into the bag too. I walked into my room, picked him up and carried him to my car. I laid him on the backseat very carefully and we sped off towards his apartment.

When we arrived, I picked Jasper up and carried him inside. It was utter agony to be surrounded by his scent from all sides, knowing that I would soon tell him goodbye. I placed him in his bed and pulled the covers up around him. I felt my heart swell at the sight of him in my clothes, I was glad that I would leave at least a small part of me with him. I pulled a chair next to the bed and prepared for him to wake. It wasn't too long before his heart started to increase in speed and he slowly began to stir. I pulled the walls up around my heart. It was bound together by a narrow thread that was slowly fraying, but I forced the emotions back and assumed my mask.

I heard Jasper groan and he put his hands on his head like he was in pain. It made my insides lurch, knowing I was the cause of this. He slowly opened his eyes and tried to focus on my face.

"Edward? What the hell is wrong with me?" his gravelly voice asked.

"You were hurt Jasper, and for _that_, I am truly sorry."

"What do you mean hurt Edward? Did I fall and hit my head or somethin'?" he questioned in a confused tone.

"It doesn't matter. What matters here is that you are okay. I wanted to make sure you woke up and felt alright so I could leave." _Please believe me; please let me speak with conviction so there is no question as to what needs to happen. _

I knew that the bite on his neck was now a faint mark, but I would let him make his own assumptions as to what happened when he saw it.

"What are you talkin' about? Why are you leavin'? Do you need to get home? How in the hell did we end up at my place?"

"NO! I am leaving for good; you will not see me again after today. I am sorry for making you believe we had a chance, but this is just not for me. You are not for me. I thought I could be with you, but I just can't!"

"Wait, Edward! What are you talking about?" he asked me as I saw the tears start to fill up his stormy, grey eyes.

"I thought you felt it too; how can you say that I am not for you? You told me that you never felt anything like it before. Was it all a fuckin' lie?" he screamed at me while furiously wiping the tears from his cheeks.

"You are a goddamned liar, Edward. You are a fuckin' coward! Don't be dishonest with me damn it; tell me the fuckin' truth. It is the least I deserve you asshole!" He was sobbing by this point and it took every last ounce of strength I had not to run to him, pull him into my arms and tell him he was right. I _had_ to do this, it had to be this way.

"I'm sorry you feel like I am lying, Jasper, but it is the truth. I apologize once again that you were hurt, but you will be fine. You will forget me and you will move on. You will never see me again. Please, take care of yourself."

With that last statement I walked to the door and turned the knob.

"Edward, stop, please!" I heard him plead.

With a fierce determination, I opened the door, walked out and didn't look back. As I heard his strangled cries from the other side of the door, the thread holding my heart together snapped and the chasm was formed as my heart fell into segments. I knew that from this day forward it would never be whole again.

I got in my car, let the dry, racking sobs overtake me and prayed for death to find me.

**A/N: First of all I would like to thank everyone who has read this story….it really means a lot to me to be added to your favorites list. Please review for me….it really helps me to know if I am doing this justice as I am so new at this.**

**I have been asked how often I plan to post and right now my hope is to post bi-weekly. I have a son who is chronically sick and I use this as my way of coping with the stress of the unknown. He was just diagnosed with something I have never heard of and we are just waiting on biopsies, scary for a little 2 year old. So, as long as he is okay, we will stick to this schedule.**

**Please PM me if you have any questions…and my readers who wanted Jasper to be changed…..SORRY! Be patient with me, I believe in HEA!!!**

**I also entered the Slash/Backslash contest with a different one shot, so please go read it and let me know what you think!!**


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: First of all, for this and the past three other chapters, I own nothing except my fantasies of Rob Pattinson. Mrs. Meyer owns the rest.

Thank you to the wonderful and talented betas at Project Team Beta. Keira St. Andrie and LTS were the lovely people who helped me make this so much better than it was.

Thank you all for your wonderful words and wishes in regards to my son. They have been heartwarming. I love and appreciate all the alerts that have been added, and it would make me even happier if you would review and let me know your thoughts. They help to keep me going!

Chapter 4

JPOV

I was swimming in a sea of darkness; there was a cloud all around me, but I couldn't break through. I felt like I was trying to claw my way to the surface in this cold, black haze and manacles were holding me in place. My body lacked the strength to make its way out of this bubble, and I couldn't get my eyes to open up and let the light in. As the thoughts slowly started to form and I became a little more coherent, all I could think was '_what the fuck did I drink?'_

I was slowly trying to piece together the events of the night before, as shitty as I felt, it must have been some wild ass party. I huldad hoped that maybe, if I laid there for a little bit longer, the memories w come back to me. I kind of liked it in the dark anyways - it is a peaceful place. Once again my mind tried to focus on the happenings from the previous night, when all of a sudden, little snippets began to run through my head.

_Edward at the café… God he was so fuckin' beautiful sitting there looking at me._

_Edward in his car…still haven't quite figure out why he was so damn pissy._

_Edward kissing me at his house…his beautiful hands all over me._

That's all it took for my dick to spring to life, and for me to remember.

Fuck, I remembered him naked, me naked, our bodies sliding on each other, and the strongest orgasm of my life tearing through me.

I needed to wake the fuck up now and see him, to prove that he was real. Trying to open my eyes only made my head pound and I groaned out loud. I can't remember drinking anything with him, but I must have had something to feel this out of it.

My eyes finally won the battle with sleep and slowly opened up. The pain from the light shot through my head and the pounding was even harder. As I became acclimated with my surroundings, my eyes found him and focused on his startling, golden eyes. He was standing there in all his ethereal beauty, looking like a Greek god posed for battle. _I could look at him for the rest of my life and he would always take my breath away._

Hopefully he could help enlighten me as to the previous night's activities. All I remembered was getting naked, but that was it.

"Edward? What the hell is wrong with me?" I asked him, the confusion evident in my scratchy voice.

He looked at me with a morose expression and said, "You were hurt Jasper, and for that I am truly sorry." Hurt? What the hell was he talking about? I don't remember anything, and why is he apologizing anyways?

"What do you mean hurt Edward? Did I fall and hit my head or somethin'?" That would definitely explain the throbbing in my brain. When I looked over at him, I froze and got a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. He looked grim.

"It doesn't matter. What matters is that you are okay. I wanted to make sure you woke up and felt alright so I could leave with a clear conscience," he spat at me.

The dread was building as I watched him storm around my apartment. Wait_, my apartment? How in the world did we end up here_? I was trying to comprehend what he was telling me. Why did he want to leave? Maybe he was angry that I didn't remember the night before or maybe he didn't feel as strongly about me as I did about him.

Impossible! There was no way that was one sided, I know he felt it too. Feelings that powerful are not solitary. I saw the way he looked at me, I felt the way he touched me. He was probably uncomfortable and didn't know how to act the morning after.

"What are you talkin' about? Why are you leavin'? Do you need to get home? How in the hell did we end up at my place?" I got all my questions out at once. He probably thought I was a fucking spaz.

He spun around and looked at me with dull, indifferent eyes. Then the venom spewed from his mouth with a vengeance. "No! I am leaving for good; you will not see me again after today. I am sorry for making you believe that we had a chance, but this is just not for me. You are not for me. I thought I could be with you, but I just can't!"

I felt my chest caving in as each word struck me like a bullet, penetrating my soul. I felt my lungs closing in on themselves as I tried to catch my breath. The tears were about to breach my eyes, and I struggled to get my next words out. I needed to stop him!

"Wait, Edward! What are you talking about?" I knew he saw the tears in my eyes, but I didn't give a fucking shit! I was not letting him leave without a fight; he was trying to escape with my heart and it would kill me.

I jumped up and started yelling at him. He was not going to fucking leave!

"How can you say that I am not for you? I thought you felt it too. You told me that you never felt anything like it before. Was it all a fuckin' lie?" I could no longer see him because the tears were blinding me and I swept them from my eyes in furious strokes. He just looked at me like I was a dumbass and didn't say a goddamned word. He was trying to take the easy way out and it wasn't going happen.

I tried to catch my breath as the sobs tore through my chest while he just sat there like a fucking log. Did he have no emotions whatsoever? Did I not mean anything to him after all? The thought sent a red river of fury through my veins and I let him know it.

"You are a goddamned liar, Edward. You are a fuckin' coward! Don't be dishonest with me damn it; tell me the fuckin' truth. It is the least I deserve you asshole!" I collapsed in a crying heap on the floor of my room, and hoped that my words would penetrate the cold, steel armor of non-emotion he seemed to be wearing. I finally braved the chance to look up into his face. He was looking back with an aloof stare.

Then, the most heartless words poured from his perfect lips. "I'm sorry you feel like I am lying, Jasper, but it is the truth. I apologize once again that you were hurt, but you will be fine. You will forget me and you will move on. You will never see me again. Please, take care of yourself." He walked to my door and started to turn the knob. My heart pleaded with me to try once more, for I knew that once he walked out that door, it would be for good.

I screamed out, "Edward, stop, please!" Without even a backwards glance he opened the door and left me. The cries that were boiling under the surface now flowed through me, and I lay there broken by the door, praying for death, but knowing it wouldn't come.

It was hours later when I finally dragged myself off the floor and into the bathroom. I was scared to look at myself in the mirror, knowing I must look a fright. After washing my face, I hastened a peek at the mirror and yup, I looked like a train wreck. My hair was in wild disarray, eyes were red and swollen, and my voice felt raw from crying so much. Underneath the mess, my face still looked the same. I felt like I should look 40 years older. I can't believe all that happened in 24 short hours. It was almost ridiculous that I let someone I had just met affect me so much.

He had branded my soul and altered my life's path with the blazing passion in which he touched me. Every caress and stroke of his fingers on my body slowly bound me to him eternally, and he walked out like I was nothing to him but a problem to deal with.

As I looked into the mirror, I saw the faint, silvery traces of tears that had run down my neck. I got my washcloth to clean them off; I didn't need any reminders of the turmoil he had caused me. I scrubbed at the spot but it wouldn't come off. I got closer to the mirror and saw the mark up close. _Holy shit! He fuckin' bit me!_ Is that what he was talking about when he said I got hurt? As I looked at the faint mark closer, the rage started to boil again. I could barely see the damn thing and this was what he threw a fit about? Well, I guess it wasn't all about this, he pretty much told me he didn't even want me.

I decided to take a shower and wash the sweat and grime off of me and maybe I would feel better and decide how to tackle Edward. I knew what he said, but I just couldn't bring myself to believe it yet. What the hell was my problem, the rejection was quite obvious. I just couldn't shake the feeling that there was more to it than what he was saying. You can't touch someone the way he touched me and not mean it!

Giving my head a good shake, I stripped out of my clothes and got in the steamy shower. I laid my forehead on the tiles and let the hot water spray my back. It felt wonderful. I stayed there for awhile with my eyes closed and my mind started to wander to Edward. Thoughts of the night before were running through my mind and my cock sprang to life as I remembered every feeling and touch he gave me. I reached down and slowly started to stroke myself, remembering the way he looked naked, with his gorgeous, rock hard dick begging to be sucked.

My hand slid up and down my silky shaft as I imagined those gorgeous red lips wrapped around my cock.

_On his knees in the shower and looking up at me through those dark lashes. His eyes are so fuckin' perfect. My hands grab his hair and pull his head back and forth as he moans around me. I hit the back of his throat as he swallows and the feeling almost makes me cum right then, but I need this to last. _

_He pulls his mouth away and I feel his nose on the underside of my balls and he carefully draws them into his mouth as his hand grabs my ass. I feel his long, slender finger at my entrance and as me hums around my balls. He teases me repeatedly before he slowly pushes it into my hole. The pleasure spears through my entire body and he slowly adds a second. He takes my dick back into his mouth as he pumps his fingers in and out of me. "Oh God baby….feels so damn good….fuck, Edward, don't stop, so fuckin' close." _

My hand sped up and my impending orgasm sent shock waves through my body. I imagined shooting every ounce of cum down his throat as I coated the wall in front of me.

I rested my head there for a minute and then finished my shower. I made a decision right then and there that I would go find him and talk to him. I had to make this work, because I knew I couldn't exist in a world without him by my side. He would see reason; I just had to make him listen to me. I let all the horrible things he said to me wash down the drain, and I hoped they never returned.

After I got out of the shower I threw on my towel and walked into my room. As I looked around, deciding what to wear, I saw the clothes he put on me in a heap on the floor. I ran to them and grabbed them, holding them to my nose and inhaling every last trace of his smell. It was heaven and hell all at once and the black hole started to open up once more, but I forced it back and walked to the closet. I decided on jeans and a tee shirt that I knew made me look nice. Next, went on my sandals and I started looking for my wallet and keys_. Where the hell were they? Come to think of it, where were clothes I was wearing last night?_

I started walking around my apartment and in a corner I spied a duffle bag that had the initials "EAC". I slowly walked over to it, almost afraid to see what I would find in there. I carefully pulled back the zipper and there they were - all my clothes, my wallet and my keys. The delicious, masculine scent that was all Edward lingered in the bag and filled my nose as I pulled everything out. Even his smell brought my dick to life once again. Letting his scent surround me, the more intimate moments of our evening played out in my mind. Every sensual moan and groan that I elicited from him with the touch of my hands and the way the icy feel of his skin against mine only heightened my passion. The way it felt when our cocks touched for the first time, skin to skin. He made me feel things I only ever read about, but never knew existed.

I was once again so painfully hard I felt like I was going to burst through my pants, but I definitely did not have time to take care of that problem again. I grabbed my wallet and keys and ran out the door. I ran out to my truck, wondering if it was going to be there. It was parked next to my bike, I still didn't know how he got it there, but that was a conversation for another day. I hopped in and willed my mind to remember the path we took to Edward's house from the coffee shop.

After a few wrong turns I finally pulled up to what I believed to be his house. The driveway was empty, but he could be parked in the garage. I walked up to the door and started pounding. "Edward!" I called out, "Answer the damn door. I am not leavin' until you fuckin' answer." I repeated this cycle about four or five times before I sat on the steps and put my head into my hands.

"He's not here." I heard a sweet, melodic voice say. I slowly looked up and was met with the image of one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. She was tiny and petite. Her smooth, alabaster skin was a perfect contrast to her raven colored hair that framed her face. As she got closer to me I saw that her small, crimson lips and ocher eyes were just like Edward's. She came up to me with her little hand extended out and said, "I'm Alice, Edward's sister."

I looked at her with wary eyes. _Had he sent her to deal with me?_ "Hi ma'am, I'm Jasper, " I said to her, reaching out to shake her hand. When our skin met, I was shocked at how cold it was. _Poor little thing must be freezing! _

"I know who you are, Jasper. Edward told me about you," she said to me with a look of sympathy in her eyes. _Fuckin' great, he did send her to get rid of me._

"Look Miss Alice, I am just going to save you the trouble of doing your brother's dirty work and be on my way. It was a pleasure meeting you. Tell him I get it, okay?" I was so embarrassed, she probably thought I was a pathetic loser that didn't know how to let go.

As I strode past I felt her small fingers grab my arm; she had amazing force for a little sprite. "Sit down, Jasper, we need to talk," she said to me, pulling me down on the step next to her.

"He doesn't know I am here, but I knew you would be, so I had to come. He's scared, Jasper, plain and simple. This is all new to him and unfortunately for you, he is not handling it very well…Idiot." She said the last part under her breath, but I heard it and chuckled under mine.

"With all due respect Miss Alice, what exactly is he not handling very well? Because the way I see it, he doesn't really want to 'handle' anything . I don't know what he said to you, but meeting him was the most amazing thing that ever happened to me. He made me feel emotions that I didn't know I had, all the while saying he felt the same, and then BAM, he wants nothing to do with me. It's enough to make you crazy."

"Ok Jasper, enough with the 'Miss', it's just Alice. I need you to understand a little bit more about my brother before you make any snap judgments as to how he does or doesn't feel about you." She reached over and took my hands in hers and faced me. She seemed to think for a minute, closing her eyes. They flew open and she was looking at me with the same fire that I saw in Edward.

"Edward has been alone for so long. He had resigned himself, long ago, to the fact that he would never find love. He thought it would elude him for all his life and threw all his focus into his music and his studies. He has lived in a self-imposed, solitary life. It has been so hard on him to be in a family where everyone has found their soul mate except for him."

We sat in silence for a few moments as she let her words sink into me. My heart broke for that beautiful soul that was so lonely. All I wanted to do was find him, put my arms around him and never let him go. I wanted to surround him with my warmth and love so he would know that he was not alone.

"Jasper, he has never been with anyone and he has no clue how to do it. He has never dated and even making simple conversation with others is hard for him. Needless to say, outside of our family, he has no real friends. He has been this way for so long, it is what he knows, what he is used to. When being around all of us became too much, he moved into this house to get away from the feelings of inadequacy he had at being the only one without a significant other."

I was trying to get a grasp on everything she was telling me. He had never dated? What the fuck? I was not a man who had been around or anything, but I sure as hell had gone out on dates, with guys and girls. He was so handsome. How could he have never gone out with any of the people who have surely thrown themselves at him? On top of that, she made Edward sound like an old, recluse. It's not like we were ancient or anything, but she made him sound like he had been alone for decades or some shit.

"Alice, how could he have never gone out with anyone? I mean, look at you guys. You must come from the best lookin' family in America! There have to have been people who tried," I said to her with confusion ever present in my voice.

"Oh there have, Jasper, make no mistake about that. What you need to understand about Edward is that he has never been a casual, 'lets do it for the sake of doing it', type person. He knew if he were ever to find the other half of his soul in a person it would need to be the real thing, and he was not going to settle for any less than that. He has saved everything for that person, but he just didn't know what he was looking for."

She looked away for a moment and then swung her powerful gaze to me once more. "You are it, Jasper, the other half of his soul. He knows it, I know it, and you know it. He is just scared! He is afraid of the unknown and doesn't know how to make it work when you are from different worlds. It is going to be up to you to do it; to make him see that it can work. It is not going to be any easy road for you two, but it will all be okay. Trust me, I know. "

I thought about it all for a minute and knew she was right; it was what I had told myself at home. I needed to make him see the light, and I was not going down without a battle. The determination set in as I prepared myself to claim victory in the most important fight of my life.

"Alice, I will try my damndest, but he was so cold this morning. If I am truly the other half of him, how could he have not shown even the slightest bit of emotion when he walked out of the door this morning?" My voice broke at the last bit, remembering how I felt when he left. A single tear slipped out of my eye and down my cheek and I willed the rest to stay in place as the emotion choked up my throat. I felt an ice-cold finger trail along my jaw, up my cheek, and up to my eye as she wiped the tear away. Then I felt her surprisingly strong arms enfold me and she held me while I cried.

I don't know how long we sat there, but I knew that I couldn't do this without Alice's encouragement behind me. I felt her fingers combing through my hair and her hand rubbing my back, just like my mother does when she is trying to make me feel better. I finally pulled back and used my sleeve to dry my eyes.

"You know, Jasper, I wasn't lying when I said Edward was waiting to do all the things lovers do. You are the only kiss he has ever had, it was one of his precious gifts and he bestowed it upon you. Every touch is a first for him, so please don't take it lightly and don't ever feel like he didn't mean them. He has had a long time to perfect the art of hiding his emotions and it is going to take your love and perseverance to overcome that. I know you can do it, Jasper."

I felt the emotional weight of her words crashing down on me as I realized that I truly did mean something to him. I knew I did, in my heart, but hearing the words from her was all the encouragement I needed to see this through. In a voice full of confidence that I didn't know I had, I told her," Alice, I love your brother with all that I am. I will do whatever I can to make this work. He is my other half too, you know? I didn't know what I was looking for and then when I saw him, it was all so clear. I can't live without him anymore than I can live without oxygen. I will make him feel worthy of love and affection and I will make sure he is never lonely again. Thank you for telling me all of this, you are truly a treasure."

I leaned over and hugged her tight and we stood up. I heard something in the distance and saw Edward's Volvo coming around the corner and pull into the driveway. Our eyes met and he slowly got out of the car. He just stood there staring at me, our gaze never breaking, and then I took off running towards him, flinging my body at his. I wrapped my arms around him and felt his body freeze. I knew he was about to pull back, but I just needed to feel him for a moment.

As I prepared myself to pull away, I felt his nose burrow into my hair and his arms slowly came up around me. He pulled me to him tightly and whispered, "Jasper, _meus diligo."_

**A/N: meus diligo – my love (Latin) **

**Please hit that review button and make me a happy girl **


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: A humongous thank you to my betas at Project Team Beta Heather and sepideh9, they helped me so much catch the mistakes that would have made it all a grammatical nightmare!!**

**To all of my wonderful and faithful readers, thank you so much for reading and reviewing…this story is my baby (my first born) and I cherish everything you say about it.**

**Please see A/N at bottom!!**

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Chapter 5

EPOV

Leaving Jasper in that apartment was the hardest thing I had ever had to do. After I had driven far enough that I knew he could no longer see me, I pulled over and was overcome with what could only be described as a vampiric panic attack. I felt like I couldn't breathe, which was rather ridiculous because I didn't need to, and my chest felt like it was caving in. My hands gripped my thighs as I tried to calm down, knowing that if I gripped the steering wheel, it would snap off. I took deep, shuddering, yet unnecessary breaths to bring my body back to normal. That didn't help; his scent was still all over me from being in his apartment.

Finally, after an absurd amount of time, I drove a bit further and decided what I needed most at that moment was to hunt and let my senses be filled with something altogether different. I pulled the car off the road and onto a deserted path, exited and ran. I was always most at peace when I was doing one of three things: playing piano, reading or running. I took this opportunity to let the smells of Mother Nature fill my nostrils and inflate my lungs. I took care to rub along the trees and brush along the way, anything to get the "Jasper" off of me. I needed him gone immediately.

After I finished hunting, I sat down on a rock and thought about him. I didn't know where the strength came from to let him go and leave him, but I was glad I found it within me. He deserved a happy life. One that consisted of a home, a dog, a job, retirement, vacations and growing old with the one he loved. That was a life I couldn't offer him and I knew it. All I could offer him was a soulless existence with a future that was uncertain at best. I have had to live with the atrocities that have happened in this world for the past hundred years and they were only the tip of the iceburg. The past events only hinted at the horror that the human race inflicts upon itself. The damage we did as vampires was nothing compared to that.

It made me so melancholy to sit there and dwell on all the things I could never offer him. It was highly unfair that I was fated to exist without my one true mate. Alice, Garrett, Carlisle, Esme, Emmett and Rosalie were lucky enough to move through this existence with their pairs at their sides. Why was I the unlucky one? I tried my hardest to be a good man…a steward for humanity, but it didn't matter. It was all for naught now that I knew what pure bliss felt like; good deeds were obviously not rewarded. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I knew there was only one person who could calm me and give me some insight, so I fled the forest to see my father.

Seattle was a blur as I left it behind and drove to Forks, where the rest of my family lived. I made my way to the only home I had ever known and felt the anxiety begin to dissipate as I walked to the front door. It was pulled opened and there stood Esme, my mother. I knew I would find comfort in her embrace and allowed her to fold her arms around me.

"I missed you son," she sighed holding me. "Please don't stay gone so long next time, Edward. You are my child just as much as your brothers and sisters and I need to know that you are okay." I felt her arms tighten around me and I hugged her more fiercely in return.

"I'm sorry, mom," I said, as I slowly pulled away. "It just gets to be too much sometimes. Unfortunately, if I thought it was bad before, it is about to get much worse." My hands were pulling my hair in agitated strokes while I talked to her.

"Oh, Edward, I know. "

I looked warily at her and said, "Mother, you have no idea, but I am hoping that talking to dad will help. Is he in?" She nodded and pointed me towards Carlisle's study and I ascended the stairs to see him.

I knocked on the study door and Carlisle beckoned me in. "Hello, Edward, to what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked me as I took a seat across from him.

I looked at the man whom I respected above all others and uttered, "I need your help father. I don't know what to do anymore."

He got up from his desk and sat in the seat next to me.

"What seems to be the issue, Edward? I am assuming it has to do with the young gentleman we haven't officially met yet," he asked while watching carefully for my reaction.

"No one will be officially meeting him, Carlisle!" I exclaimed with an incredulous voice. "I have no plans to see him again. It can only lead to disaster so, as I promised, I took care of the situation this morning." My shoulders slumped as I thought back to this morning. I had hurt him so badly.

"Edward." Carlisle paused for a few moments, gathering his thoughts. "It doesn't have to be the only way. You don't have to turn your back on him - a connection that powerful is hard to give up, son."

"Do you think I don't know that father? It was the most difficult and excruciating experience of my life to walk away, but what other choice did I have?" _Did I really have to explain this to a man who had been around for centuries longer than me? _

"Did you want me to bring him home with me so he could meet the family? Maybe we could have all eaten dinner together and then sat around the living room, drinking coffee and getting to know one another. Sounds like a splendid idea, only two problems I see there. He is a human and we don't eat food!" I knew I was being unfair and sarcastic, but I had been to hell and back and there he was, talking as if there was another choice.

"Edward, I wasn't suggesting it was going to be easy. I don't even know how to tell you to make it work. I know of no other instances where a human has survived any sort of sexual activity with one of our kind, so you are already ahead of the game."

My head spun around and I roared, "Are you serious? Were you not there? If you recall, father, I bit him! He could have been killed or changed. It is only by Alice's vision and your hands that he survived as a human."

"Edward Cullen!" My father's voice roared right back. "I will not allow you to crucify yourself for a mistake that was easily fixed. You need to understand the fact that you only bit him, and didn't crush him to death is a good thing." I snorted at him and my reply was cut off with a glare.

"Son, you have never had any kind of sexual experience before this, you had no idea what to expect. The fact that you made it as far as you did before the bite ever occurred is a testament to the amazing control you have. If you truly felt the draw to his blood that Alice saw in her mind, he should have never survived."

I let my father's words start to sink in, but I still saw no way for Jasper and I to ever work out. It would only take a few years before he noticed I wasn't aging, and then what?

"Carlisle, say for arguments sake that I agree with you - which I don't - what would you have me do? How would it ever work? I can't tell him what we are anymore than I could grow old with him. What do I do when he notices I don't eat with him? How do I explain my cold skin? What do I tell him when he sees I am not aging?" The questions rattled out of my mouth, questions to which I knew there were no right answers.

"Edward, have you ever heard the old adage 'The what-if's will make you crazy'? Life is a game of chance, I know you will regret for eternity not even attempting to work it out. You know as well as I do that when we find our mates, they are for life. Your life has now been changed by him, Edward. You can't go back. You can't forget him. You won't find another, so you need to carefully consider the decision you are making. You are not only sealing your fate, but his as well."

I knew he made some sense, but it was still hard to grasp. There were still too many unanswered questions and scenarios playing out in my mind. I knew he was right; it's not like my vampire mate was hanging out there somewhere. A mate is a mate, no matter who or what they are.

"I understand what you are saying, father. I just can not bring myself to expose him to the dangers of our life. What kind of relationship do you think I could offer him?"

"You could offer him your love, Edward. The rest will work itself out. You just need to have a little bit of faith, which is something you lost so long ago and it is time to get it back. " He paused for a moment to allow me to reflect on those words. They started to chisel away at the armor I had put up where Jasper was concerned.

"Son, there is no greater gift than the giving of oneself to another. Love truly does allow you to handle so much more than you ever thought possible. I know you see only the obstacles right now, but you need to allow the hurdles to fall and let yourself love. You will be at your most vulnerable opening up your heart and soul to another, but it is also the most rewarding and fulfilling experience there is."

I walked up to the man who has been the only father I have known for decades and hugged him. He always knew what to say that would allow me to ponder my decisions and help me to make the right choice. The only problem was that I did not know what the right choice was. "It will be alright son. I will stand by whatever decision you make, but please don't be hasty in your choice. I doubt that Jasper can handle being cast aside more than once."

I slowly pulled back and said, "Thank you father, you have given me much to think about. "

I spent some time with Esme before I left and then I headed back to my house. As I drove, I replayed the conversation with Carlisle and tried to decide what to do in regards to Jasper. If I followed my heart, he would be mine by nightfall. The issue there was that I followed my heart in the first place and all my worst fears came to light.

I never thought it would be a human to awaken the love in my soul and it was a cosmic joke that it happened to me. What kind of significant other could I be for him if I was scared to ever be intimate again. I know how the hormones of today's college male work. I have had to hear so many of their perverted thoughts. It was really offensive most of the time.

Carlisle seemed to think that I have some fabulous kind of control, and who really knew, maybe it got easier now that I knew what feelings to expect. It was still a terrifying thought that I could lose myself again and not been able to stop from causing him harm.

If it was all meant to work itself out over time, what was to become of the future? Would I have to reveal to him what we were? That was an impossibility that would place my entire family at risk and I could never do that to them. The alternative would be to change him and then we could truly spend an eternity together. That was a choice I knew I would never give him. This existence was not a happy one. It is nothing any of us would have chosen for ourselves. I would never be able to live with myself if I ended his life.

So it seemed as if I was at an impasse. I could either try to have a relationship with him for the time being until the time came for my family and me to move on and break it off then or keep things as I left them. The problem with the former is that I didn't know if I would be strong enough to end things after being with him for a few years and it would also be unfair to him knowing that I would do that once again. The latter decision would leave me broken-hearted and I would always wonder what could have been.

I still didn't know what to do, but as I neared my house I decided to give myself more time. My mind was exhausted from the last two days and I wanted to follow Carlisle's advice and not make a choice in haste. I would go home and put it out of my mind for a few days. I would work on a composition that had been floating in my head since I met Jasper. It would immortalize him in a way that I never would.

I rounded the corner to my house and was shocked to see Alice's car sitting there. I almost hit a mailbox when I saw her and Jasper sitting there together on the porch. I was so petrified I nearly turned around and sped away, but Alice saw me.

'_Edward, don't you dare do it, I know what you are thinking. You need to have this talk with him. He deserves so much better than the way you treated him. Do not cross me brother, I promise you will be sorry!'_

Sometimes I really hated that I could read minds, but I was a bit fearful of Alice when she became angry, so I pulled into the driveway. Jasper turned his head and our eyes met. I felt that powerful connection to him once again. Our gaze was unbroken as I got out of the car, slowly and deliberately. I didn't know what to say to him yet.

We stood there for a few moments, just drinking in the sight of one another. Then, with no warning, he ran towards me at full human speed. He crashed into me and wrapped his arms around me. I froze instantly, afraid of my body's reaction to him being so close. I took a small breath and let his smell flood my senses once again. It was serene.

I felt him start to pull away, and although I still didn't know what the future held, at that moment I wasn't prepared to let him go. I pulled him to me and hugged him tightly. All the shattered pieces of my heart began to mend back together while I held him. I buried my nose in his sweet, blonde curls and whispered to him, "Jasper, _meus diligo," _for he truly was my love_._

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**A/N: Next up is the talk between these two boys…please review and show them some love, they need all the encouragement they can get? What are your theories on how the conversation will go? Reviewers get a teaser!!**

**Also, I wanted to say that I am not forgoing the updates on this story for Project Seduce Mr. Whitlock, this goes through a totally different beta process that takes a lot longer, hence the bi-weekly updates. Thank you for your patience.**

**Also, voting for the first round of the Slash Backslash contest is open until Sunday (tonight) at midnight, so if you haven't voted, please go vote (not necessarily for me, there are some great works in there)…but, I have a one-shot in there too **

**Link (replace the dots): **

**http://www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/u/2110516/Slash_Backslash**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: HAPPY 2010 everyone!!**

**First thing: I would like to thank the wonderful beta's at Project Team Beta for all their help –the two for this chapter were Bailey Brittin and MaggieCullen. They make it all flow so much better!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the Robsessed DVD my husband got me for Christmas**

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Chapter 6

JPOV

I wanted to hold Edward forever and never let go. The feeling of being wrapped up in his arms was sheer bliss. I knew that any second he would let go and then reality would be right in front of me once again. I imagined that in that one perfect moment, he felt as deeply and passionately as I did, but remembering how he left things at my apartment, I had my doubts.

He nuzzled my hair and whispered words to me in a foreign language, and I wanted so badly to ask him what he said, but I was afraid to say anything. I thought that if the silence was interrupted, he would let go this would be the last time he would ever touch me. I wasn't willing to give any of it up quite yet.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Alice's car was gone.

_That sly little sprite...how did she do it?_

Edward finally started to pull back from me, and I reluctantly let him go. He dropped his arms and backed up a few paces. Golden irises met cerulean and we stared in silence. The expression on his face was impassive, giving no clues as to his emotional state.

He looked around for a second, then the corner of his mouth lifted slightly as he shook his head muttering, "Alice."

Edward finally looked at me again and started to back away. Still ready to fight for him and for us, I took a step forward for each one he took in the opposite direction. He was almost to his car, which was perfect because he would have nowhere to go but forward after that.

"Jasper, stop," he put his hands out in front of him in a gesture to halt my movements.

_Not going to happen my friend…you will talk to me._

"No, Edward, I won't stop. We are going to talk like adults, no one getting upset and no one leaving. I need some answers, and you are going to give them to me." Determination had set in and "no" was not a viable option at that point.

He ran his hand through the bronze locks on his head. _Even messy and exasperated, he was fucking beautiful. _

"I know we need to talk, Jasper, but now is not the time. I need you to give me some space and the opportunity to sort things out in my head." He looked so lost, so I reached out my hand to take his. He yanked his hand away before I could grasp it.

"Don't," he hissed at me. "I just told you I need space, that was not an invitation to invade mine."

_Well excuse the fuck out of me, grumpy._

"Listen, Edward, there is no need to be a jumpy prick. I was only trying to comfort you, not jump you. I am not leaving until we talk, besides, your car is blocking mine in. We can either do it out here or inside. It's your choice, but _not_ talking is not an option for me."

_Alice said I would have to be persistent, but I hope it doesn't push him further away._

He still hadn't budged; he just stood there without moving a muscle. It was bizarre; not even his chest was moving as he breathed. Looking closer, I noticed his lips were moving, but they were going so fast that I couldn't make out what he was saying.

The perfectly sculpted man in front of me was like a statue, so perfect that he belonged in a museum or botanical garden for everyone's viewing pleasure. The hint of sun trying to peek out from behind the clouds made him look other worldly, the alabaster of his flesh and bronze shade of his hair almost too good to be true. His skin was luminous, his face celestial, making him look like a seraphim. All that was missing were his wings.

Taking a really good look at this being in front of me, I almost felt unworthy to even be standing before him. Maybe that was why he had been alone for so long, people were afraid to approach someone so ethereal. No one could compete with him in the looks department. He was in his own league, and we mere mortals were ugly in comparison.

_It was no wonder why he didn't want to be with me when he looked like he did. We didn't even really look like we belonged together_.

He finally snapped out of the daze he was in and spoke in that melodic, silky voice I had already grown dependent on. "You are right, Jasper. I had hoped to have a few more days before we had this talk, but now it is. We can go inside the house." He stepped aside and let me lead the way to the front door.

I could hear his light footsteps following me as I walked up to the porch and waited for him to open the door. He paused at the bottom of the steps for a moment and looked up at me. That whir that crackled through the air when we were together was flowing between us, and my eyes refused to budge from his as we stood there and took each other in.

He gingerly stalked towards me, never removing his gaze from mine, and slowly halted. My hands were so desperate to grab onto him that I had to force them to stay in place at my sides. Edward stopped in front of me, fiery gold irises boring into brilliant sapphire.

Being that close, our bodies were powerless to stop the magnetic pull that drew them together. Edward slowly leaned his head in toward mine until our foreheads were resting together. My breath became harsh and ragged, and Edward had halted breathing altogether.

Unable to stop myself, I tilted my head to the side and brought my lips up to meet his. _Inferno_. When our mouths met, he exhaled the icy breath he had been holding in, and the flavor that was uniquely Edward filled my senses. Unable to control myself any longer, my hands came up and tangled in his hair as my tongue came out to trace his lower lip, begging for entrance into the hive that bore the silky, sweet nectar that my mouth was craving.

His resolve finally snapped, and he grasped me firmly and pushed me into the door as his tongue plunged deeply between my lips to dominate my own. A loud groan escaped from my mouth, and my fingers pulled tightly at his hair. His cold, strong hands removed mine and he pinned them on either side of my head. He clearly wanted to be the one in control of the situation.

He pulled away from me, his lust-darkened eyes flicking from my swollen mouth to the vein beating wildly in my neck. Leaning down, he kissed a cool, leisurely wet path from my collar bone to my jaw with his velvety tongue. My aching cock was begging to be licked as well, and I bucked my hips into Edward's.

He buried his face into my neck and let out a loud, feral growl as our rock hard dicks ground into each other.

_Holy shit, that was fucking hot!_

He let my hands go and grabbed my hips forcefully, holding them in place with his unyielding hands. Our cocks were lined up against each other, and I was desperate for friction, but his grip wouldn't allow me even the slightest movement.

He kissed me again, once, twice and then pulled back. He no longer looked like an angel but more like the Prince of Darkness. His hair was in a wild disarray around his head, eyes onyx with a flaming gold ring around the edges as he stared at me through his lashes. That crimson mouth was open, and his teeth gleamed a bright white in contrast to the red. His chest was heaving and letting off a barely audible purring sound. It was heavenly for my soul to be wrapped up in the divine perfection of Edward Cullen.

My cock was still desperately trying to grind against his. He held me even tighter and roared loudly, "Enough!"

We kept our eyes locked for a few moments, mine stunned, his determined. After a bit, he brought his head down to mine and rasped, "How much do you think I can take? How strong do you think I am, Jasper? I can't do this, I can't put you at risk, don't you see?"

With that statement, he let me go, unlocked the door and walked into the house.

_I am so fucking confused…put me at risk? Is he a criminal or something?_

More determined than ever to get my answers, I followed him through the front door.

"Edward, where are you? We aren't done," I called into the house. "Quit fuckin' hiding. Don't be a pussy, get out here and talk like a man!" Yelling into an empty room had yet to produce Edward… _where the hell was he?_

"You can stop raising your voice, Jasper…I am right here." There he was, standing in a dark corner and looking predatory. He definitely gave off a vibe that made me want to stay away for the time being.

"You have to give me answers, Edward. Even if you tell me to leave you alone and never come back after we are done, please do this for me." We stood in silence for awhile, neither one of us uttering a word. I sank down on the couch and waited.

It seemed like hours had passed, but really it was only about thirty minutes before Edward finally emerged from the corner. He slowly began to pace back and forth in the living room. Never once did he raise his eyes to mine, like I didn't exist in that room. It almost looked like he was having a silent argument with himself, and I was not going to be the one to interrupt. Silence seemed to be what he needed at that moment.

When he finally stopped, I looked up at him, and his eyes finally connected with mine. Walking over to the chair across the room, he gracefully sat down and began to speak.

"Jasper, please let me get out what I need to say without interruption. There are some things I need to tell you. I want you to listen first, then you may ask your questions of me and I will answer them to the best of my ability."

I nodded my head at him, not saying a word. The need to hear what he had to say overpowered my need to speak at the moment.

He ran his hand through his hair and took a big breath. "First, allow me to apologize for the disgrace I made of myself at your apartment. My behavior was reprehensible. I never should have left without giving you a chance to speak, and I have felt terrible ever since."

_First note: ask him how the hell he got me and my truck back to my apartment._

"I need you to understand, Jasper, that the way I acted the day I brought you to my home is not how I normally act. The instantaneous connection I felt with you was an unfamiliar emotion for me, and I am afraid I handled myself poorly."

He was looking at his hands, disgusted with himself, and I hated it. I promised not to speak, but it was so difficult to see him agonizing.

"There was absolutely no respect for you or your well-being in my head at the time, or what happened never would have come to pass. My only concern was to put my hands and mouth on you and to see if what I felt across the café could possibly be real."

_Oh, Edward, it was real…it still is!_

My heart couldn't take his suffering anymore, and I made to get up, but he shot a hand straight forward to stop me.

"Please," he gasped. "You promised me. Let me finish." The pleading in those honeyed eyes was almost too much for me to take, but for his sake I would stay put.

"Jasper, please don't think for one single solitary moment that I am in any way discounting the feelings that were there. I'm not. What I need from you is to understand that I do not see a feasible way for this to work. It just isn't possible."

_Well that is fucking it! He can't spew shit like that and expect me to sit there like a fucking mute while he dumps my ass in the garbage._

"Fuck that shit, Edward!" I cried out. "Now I am fuckin' pissed." He was taken aback by my outburst, but I just couldn't bring myself to care. He didn't seem like the kind of person that was used to being yelled at, but I needed to get through to him, and I didn't know how else to do it.

"What do you mean the feelings that 'were' there. They are still there, jackass. You felt it on the porch, or you wouldn't have ravaged my mouth the way you did, and your dick was just as hard as mine, if not harder!" My heart was pounding, and I tried to catch my breath, but I was so furious.

He bellowed right back at me. "Do you think this is what I want? Do you? You have no idea the position I am in, Jasper. To want something so much and for it to be just out of my fingertip's reach. It is worse than smoldering in the fires of hell for all eternity." His voice broke at the last word, and that sound snapped me out of my anger.

"I am not out of reach, I am right here," whispering to him, I slowly made my way to where he was sitting. When I got close enough, however, Edward got up and went to stand at the window.

"Jasper, love, this isn't going to happen. We can never be happy together because at some point we will have to go our separate ways, and it will be so much easier to do it now rather than later when we both have too much of our souls invested in the relationship."

I wanted to bang my head against the wall; he was _killing_ me.

"Why will we have to part ways? Why can't we even try? I need you, Edward…can't you see that?" Not caring that I sounded like a pathetic fool, I took a step closer to him.

"I want to try, Jasper. I really do. I just don't know what to do. I want to say you are mine and to make a life with you, I just don't know how."

_I will show you how, angel, we will make it work, just listen to your heart, listen to mine call out to you._

He continued on, "Even if we did give it a try, it would have to be by my rules, do you understand that? The rules would be for your protection, Jasper. Could you even be in a situation like that?"

_There he goes, being cryptic again._

"All I know is that I want you, Edward. The rest can and will work itself out."

He started to shake his head again. He was so fucking frustrating.

Talking to Edward was like talking to a brick wall. He seemed to be so dead set in how or if we would even attempt a relationship.

"Edward, how can you be so ready to walk away from something so right?" I pleaded with him.

He turned his stunning eyes toward me and finally met my gaze. "If anything happened to you because of me, Jasper, I couldn't bear it," he whispered. "You are everything I have looked for. You are worth it to me, I just know that being with me will not be worth it to you in the end. Please trust me on that."

He looked down at the floor once again, and I knew he was teetering between a yes and a no, so I did the only thing that might get through to him. Walking up to him, slowly yet determined, I reached out for his hands. The contact with his skin sent that searing flame through my body once again. It was heaven.

Looking into his amber gaze, I softly spoke into his ear, "Don't you feel it too? It will never be like this with anyone else, please don't let us go without a fight."

I stood there, terrified at the words that would escape those crimson lips. They would either mean happiness and love or despair and heartbreak. It was the longest wait of my life, but I had hope that he would choose love.

"I want this, Jasper. I want to be with you, I just don't know how." He sounded so lost, so dejected, and it was painful to listen to him.

"Edward," wrapping my arms around his granite torso, I laid my head against him. "Just don't say no, say you will try, say that you need me as much as I need you. Please, let me love you."

He gasped and pulled away from me in an instant, and I was left feeling cold and empty.

"What did you just say?" Looking at him with confusion on my face, I tried to recall what part he was talking about. Then a light bulb clicked in my head.

"I said to please let me love you." This was definitely one of those make or break moments; he was either going to send me packing, or he was going to accept our love for one another.

"I…I, " he sighed. "I need you, too, Jasper."

Not quite the reaction I was hoping for, but at least he admitted to feeling something.

"Then don't give up so easily, Edward. We can do this, even though I don't know what we are up against. You have me at a disadvantage there." I felt him reach out for my hand, and I allowed him to pull me back into his embrace.

He held me for a long moment before he whispered into my ear, "Can we just hold each other? I don't want to talk anymore right now, please?"

_He wants to hold me? Who am I to argue with that? The problem was that I still had questions I needed answered._

Wrapping my arms around him I realized how exhausted I was from all the events that had lead up to being here.

"Edward, what I need right now is to rest. My mind is emotionally drained. Is there somewhere we can lay down and hold one another? I still want to finish our talk when we wake up, but more than that, what I need right now is to be with you."

A brilliant smile broke across his handsome face, and he kissed me lightly on the forehead.

"Yes, I think that sounds like a perfect idea, my Jasper. Let's go to my room and lie down."

I was only too happy to follow him up the stairs. We entered a huge room that was about the size of my apartment. There was a massive bed in the center of the room that didn't look like it had ever been slept in. The bedding and pillows looked like they belonged in an interior design magazine. The comforter was navy and gold, and it looked way too inviting to a man as tired as I was.

Edward walked over to the bed and removed the pillows with one sweep of his hand. He patted the bed for me to get in, and I jumped in and snuggled down. The sheets were cool against my flaming skin. It was so relaxing.

I felt Edward crawl in behind me, and he curled his body around mine. We laid there together, enjoying the feel of being wrapped up in each other's arms. I burrowed down a little further because, although I love being cuddled up to Edward, his skin was always so cold.

_Must be a Cullen thing, because little Alice's hand was freezing too._

Right before I felt sleep take over I turned my head and kissed his sweet, satin lips. I felt his slick tongue dart out to taste my mouth.

"Sleep well, my Jasper," he sighed into my hair as I fell into a peaceful, deep slumber being held by my love.

* * *

**A/N: ok…here is the rest. First of all, sorry this took a little while, my holidays were insane!**

**This was only the first half of the conversation they need to have, but I wanted to leave it somewhere we would all feel a little happy for them…they deserve it, no?**

**Jasper will ask a lot of tough questions for Edward, so don't think he is wussing out.**

**To all of you who have left reviews, you are the best…they mean so much to me, so thank you.**

**I will send a teaser out to those who review…so please do. If you do not get a teaser within 24 hours please PM me, you most likely left an anonymous review and I can't respond to those, but if you PM me I can respond with the teaser to that.**

**Until next time….**


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